The Ha-Ha-Haunting of Hyde House Read online

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  EGMONT

  We bring stories to life

  First published by Egmont USA, 2013

  443 Park Avenue South, Suite 806

  New York, NY 10016

  Text copyright © Tony Abbott, 2013

  Illustrations copyright © Colleen Madden, 2013

  All rights reserved

  www.egmontusa.com

  www.tonyabbottbooks.com

  www.greenfrographics.com

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Abbott, Tony

  The ha-ha-haunting of Hyde House / by Tony Abbott;

  illustrated by Colleen Madden.

  p. cm. – (Goofballs; book 5)

  Summary: A ghost-sighting at a creepy haunted house means the

  Goofballs have a new silly mystery to solve.

  eISBN: 978-1-60684-448-9

  [1. Mystery and detective stories. 2. Haunted houses–Fiction. 3.

  Ghosts–Fiction. 4. Humorous stories.] I. Title.

  PZ7.A1587Hab 2013

  [Fic]–dc23

  2012045966

  Book design by Alison Chamberlain

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher and copyright owner.

  v3.1

  To my neighbor Henri, the nearest Goofball I know!

  —T.A.

  Contents

  Cover

  Other Books in This Series

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  1 The Scary Beginning

  2 The W-W-Word Game

  3 To Believe … or Not

  4 Ghost-Hunting Gear

  5 The Vanishing Goofball!

  6 Interview with a Ghost

  7 Into Ghostville!

  8 The Goofy Ending

  About the Authors

  1

  The Scary Beginning

  My name is Jeff Bunter, and I’m a Goofball.

  In fact, I’m the first Goofball ever.

  You can ask my friends Brian Rooney, Kelly Smitts, and Mara Lubin.

  “Jeff Bunter?” they’ll say. “Yeah. He’s a Goofball. The first one ever.”

  Of course, Brian, Kelly, and Mara are Goofballs, too.

  Together, we’re the most awesome team of mystery solvers since mysteries were discovered.

  Before mysteries were discovered, I don’t know what people solved. Math problems, maybe. Luckily, they did discover mysteries, and now we’re the best at solving them.

  Take Brian, for instance. But don’t take him too far away. We need him.

  Brian invents detective gear so nutty it almost never works. Maybe that’s because he’s the second Goofball ever, so he’s had lots of practice. He’s also the second shortest Goofball ever.

  Kelly is the first shortest.

  But she makes up for it by keeping an enormous pile of yellow hair on her head. She also power walks everywhere and is very smart and serious.

  Kelly’s so serious that when you say, “Knock-knock,” she’ll say, “What are you knocking on? I don’t see a door. Are you knocking on your head? Is that what’s making that noise?”

  Which just makes her a perfect Goofball.

  Then there’s Mara.

  She’s as tall as me and as skinny as a number-two pencil. But Mara isn’t as yellow as a pencil. Sometimes she wears purple shoes, red pants, a blue shirt, a white scarf, a pink headband, and big green glasses.

  In other words, a truly goofy outfit.

  And me?

  I’m an expert at spotting clues. I’m so good that I spot clues even where there aren’t any.

  I write them all in my cluebook, which is a handy little notebook detectives use to solve mysteries.

  Completing the Goofball team is my pet corgi, Sparky. He’s been our official Goofdog since he was a puppy and barked like this:

  “Goof! Goof!”

  Together the Goofballs solve mysteries. We’re the best. We’re so good, it’s downright scary.

  But little did I know last month that our next mystery would be both goofy and scary!

  It started like this:

  Swoosh! Whoosh! Vrrrm! Errrk!

  No, it wasn’t Brian racing through the halls to the school cafeteria. It was me, riding my mountain bike to the Badger Point Library.

  It was the afternoon of Halloween. The Goofballs were between cases, so we were helping Mrs. Bookman, the librarian, put on her annual Halloween Fun Day for Toddlers.

  The official Goofball definition of toddler is someone too short to reach a doorknob but not too short to reach a cupcake.

  Even Sparky was invited to Fun Day.

  I was biking as fast as I could when—errrk!—I screeched to a stop at the corner of Main Street and Putney Lane.

  When you’re a Goofball detective like me, your eyes are trained to see clues that normal people don’t see.

  First, I spotted a big bunch of pink balloons coming out of the flower shop. Then I saw a couple of lady legs sticking out from under the balloons.

  “Goof?” Sparky barked.

  “I think so, too, Sparky. Definitely a clue to something.” I watched the balloons and the legs bobble around the corner and disappear down the street. Disappear is a special detective word that means vanish.

  I wrote it all down:

  I wrote down some other things I saw:

  I wasn’t sure whether those last things were clues to a mystery, but you never know.

  “We don’t want to be late for Fun Day,” I said to Sparky. “I heard there will be candy corn cupcakes.”

  “Goof!”

  I felt good about getting all those clues before there was even a mystery.

  But I had no clue at all about what came next.

  Because before too long, those fluffy clouds would turn dark, that stick would be wet, that bird would fly away, and our new case would go from super goofy to super scary!

  2

  The W-W-Word Game

  When Sparky and I trotted through the library doors, the first thing we saw was a tiny girl with dangly red braids.

  She was running away from Mara, and she had a half-eaten cupcake in each hand.

  “Proving half of my definition of a toddler,” I whispered to Sparky.

  “Olivia! Please stop running!” Mrs. Bookman called after her. “There’s pumpkin drawing next. You can draw a funny face!”

  Just as Mara moved up behind the girl to try to slow her down, the girl jerked to a stop.

  “I like frunny fraces,” the girl said.

  “Then draw Jeff!” said a muffled voice behind me. “His frace is super frunny!”

  It sounded like something Brian would say. But when I turned, all I saw was a big top hat sitting on a couple of shoulders.

  “Brian? Is that you under there? You’re not supposed to dress up until tonight.”

  Pop! Brian pulled off his top hat. “Dad said I could wear his old tuxedo for trick-or-treating. I’m trying his hat on for size.”

  “It’s too big for you,” said Mara, blinking at him through her big green glasses.

  “Except that the world knows my brain is bigger than a normal brain,” said Brian. “So I thought the hat would fit. But it keeps falling over my ear
s.”

  “You should have big yellow hair like me,” said Kelly, hustling through the door, wearing an orange sweatsuit and swinging her arms like a couple of helicoptors. “Mmm, candy corn cupcakes. I love them!”

  “I don’t,” said Brian. “I heard that if you eat too many, a cornfield grows inside you.”

  Kelly was about to answer back, when someone’s phone buzzed like an alarm clock.

  Zzzz!

  We spun around to see a woman say to the red-haired girl, “I’m sorry, Olivia. Grammy needs us. We have to go.”

  The little girl looked close to tears, until Mrs. Bookman offered her more cupcakes.

  “I’m free!” she said, holding up three fingers and taking three cupcakes. Then she ran out the door with her mother.

  “And I’m free,” said Mara, “of having to chase her all around. That girl likes to run.”

  Mrs. Bookman waved her arms. “Now, everyone, it’s pumpkin-drawing time!”

  The toddlers cheered with delight.

  Their drawings were pretty goofy, but Brian’s was even goofier. He said he was drawing a “frunny frace,” but his top hat kept falling over his eyes, so he couldn’t see.

  “I have an idea for you, Brian,” said Mrs. Bookman. “Here are some old newspapers to stuff into your hat—”

  “Newspapers!” Kelly gasped. “I love old newspapers. Old newspapers are history. Plus they’re great for finding clues. Are you sure you want them close to Brian’s brain?”

  “It’s all right,” said Mrs. Bookman. “These papers are three years old. They’re all on computer now, so we’re recycling them.”

  “Can you recycle Brian?” I joked.

  “If you did, I’d come back as Abraham Lincoln,” he said. “Then my top hat would finally fit!”

  Which is funny because Abraham Lincoln always wore a top hat like Brian’s.

  Next, everyone lined up to toss bean bags into a plastic pumpkin. But every time someone threw a bag, Sparky jumped up on his hind legs and caught it.

  Then he ran away with the bags.

  “Now, children,” Mrs. Bookman said, “we’ll start word games in a minute. But first does anyone have a scary story to tell?”

  “Me!” I said, because I love telling stories.

  “Make it super scary!” said the kids.

  Kelly and Mara turned the lights down low, while Brian sat behind me to make spooky noises.

  “Gather around, people,” I said in my deepest, scariest voice.

  Then I started.

  “It was a dark and windy afternoon.”

  “Whoosh, whoosh!” said Brian.

  “Thunder thundered!”

  “Boom-ba-boom!” said Brian.

  All the toddlers’ faces were turned to me. Their eyes were wide; their mouths hung open. I could tell they were getting scared.

  Then I remembered. I love scary stories, but I don’t like scary endings.

  I like goofy endings better.

  So I said, “And the door of the haunted house squeaked like a fuzzy dog toy!”

  Just as Brian squeaked like a dog toy, the library doors banged open and our classmate Joey Myers rushed in. (His mom runs the flower shop I had seen the balloons walking out of.)

  Right now Joey was shaking from the laces on his sneakers to the lashes on his eyes.

  “Joey, what’s wrong?” asked Mrs. B.

  “I’m sc-sc-sc—”

  “Word games!” said Mara. “We’re starting word games! Are you … sc-sc-scrambled? Are you Scandinavian? Scottish? Scatterbrained?”

  “I’m sc-sc-scared!” Joey cried.

  Mara grumbled. “I was going to guess that next.”

  “Why are you scared?” asked Kelly.

  Joey shivered. “I just saw a g-g—”

  “My turn!” said Brian. “G-g-golf course? Groundhog? Green pepper? Wait. Not a … g-g-gorilla?”

  “No!” said Joey. “I just saw a … g-g-GHOST!”

  3

  To Believe … or Not

  “Ghost! Ghost! Ghost!” the little kids screamed. Then they grabbed cupcakes and ran in circles until Sparky and Mrs. Bookman herded them back to their parents.

  I stared at Joey. “A ghost?”

  “Probably not,” said Kelly.

  Mara’s eyes got big. “A ghost?”

  “Doubtful,” said Kelly.

  Brian scratched his head. “These newspapers are itchy. Wait, a ghost?”

  “A GHOST!” said Joey. “Ten minutes ago!”

  “I don’t believe in ghosts,” said Kelly.

  “I do,” said Brian. “They’re just people. Well, they’re sort of ex-people. But still.”

  “I believe in ghosts,” said Mara. “That’s because I saw a ghost once. It was at night and from a distance and I didn’t have my glasses on and I may have been asleep. But I’m positive I saw one.

  “Since then, I’ve watched lots of cartoons with ghosts in them, so I’ve become an expert on Ghostology. That’s what they call the study of ghosts.”

  “I’m not sure about ghosts,” I said. “I like to keep an open mind.”

  “I used to do that, too,” said Brian. “But one day it rained and everything got soggy in there, so now I keep it closed.”

  “Well,” said Joey, “the ghost I saw was a great big blobby thing. It floated right across the ceiling of a haunted house!”

  I yanked out my trusty cluebook.

  Because this was a brand-new case, I flipped to a brand-new page. “Joey, please tell us where you saw this ghost.”

  “At the big empty house on the corner of Chestnut and Maple Streets.”

  I wrote that down. “Okay, Joey, go on.”

  “My parents just went to look inside and I went with them. They’re thinking of buying it to open a bookstore there.”

  “I love bookstores even more than candy corn cupcakes,” said Kelly. “I especially love open bookstores!”

  “Everyone does,” said Mrs. Bookman, coming over after the toddlers were settled again. “I know that old house. It’s been empty for years. It’s called Hyde House, because Lavinia Hyde used to live there.”

  “Spooky name,” whispered Mara. “Write that down, Jeff.”

  Brian chuckled. “Does Lavinia Hyde have a friend named Lavinia Seek?”

  “I wish she did,” Mrs. Bookman said. Then she whispered, “It’s been many years since anyone even saw Lavinia Hyde!”

  “You mean, she vanished?” said Mara.

  “No one knows,” Mrs. Bookman said.

  Vanished is a special detective word that means disappeared.

  “There aren’t any ghosts,” said Kelly. “But if Joey saw something weird, it’s a mystery. And a mystery is a case for the Goofballs.”

  I wrote that down because it sounded so good. “Joey, please tell us everything from the very beginning.”

  Joey gulped. “Well, I think the universe started as a big empty place.…”

  “Not everything, everything,” said Brian. “Just about the Haunting of Hyde House.”

  “Which is a great title for this case,” Mara said, nudging me to write it down, so I did.

  Joey blinked. “First my parents and I heard thumping. Then moaning like this—Ohhhh! Then we went through a bunch of rooms into a place called a parlor. Then we saw it. A white ghost floating across the ceiling. We all ran out of there. I won. But now my dad says our bookstore will never open!”

  “Your dad should put a door on the house,” Mara said. “That will make it easier to open.”

  “It has a door!” Joey said. “In fact, it has more doors than there are rooms to go into—”

  “Stop!” said Brian. “Did you say doors?”

  Joey nodded. “There are tons of—”

  “Stop!” Brian said again. “I need to think.”

  He slowly paced the room. Sparky followed at his heels. They both stopped at the same time and spun around to us.

  “Maybe it’s all these newspapers near my brain, but I’ve
figured the whole thing out,” he said.

  “Already?” asked Mrs. Bookman.

  “Joey, you or your parents must have opened the wrong door,” Brian said. “You opened the wrong door and—fwit!—a ghost flew out. People open wrong doors all the time and—fwit!—ghosts fly out. It’s a national problem.”

  “Is it?” said Kelly with a frown.

  Joey shivered. “Lavinia Hyde must be the blobby ghost I saw. Either way, we’re not opening any bookstore now!”

  Mrs. Bookman sighed. “I so wanted Badger Point to have its very own bookstore.”

  My mystery radar poked out of my mystery mind and started to buzz as I reread the clues.

  I glanced at my fellow Goofballs.

  Mara gave me a little nod.

  Brian’s hat gave me a little nod.

  I looked at Kelly. “What about you, Kelly?”

  “Well,” she said, “a mystery is a mystery. And a Goofball is a Goofball. So, yeah.”

  And Kelly gave me a little nod, too.

  “I declare right now,” I said, “the Goofballs will go to Hyde House. We’ll find this ghost.”

  “Or whatever scared Joey,” said Kelly.

  “And Badger Point’s first bookstore will open its doors!” said Mara.

  Joey shivered. “There sure are a lot of them in there. Doors, I mean.”

  4

  Ghost-Hunting Gear

  By the time we agreed to meet at my house and Sparky and I left the library, the fluffy clouds had turned gray.

  A storm was coming.

  “Great,” I said to Sparky. “A haunted house in a storm. I don’t know how this will end, but I hope it’s not scary!”

  I got the shivers just thinking about it. But as Kelly just said, a Goofball is a Goofball.

  “Ghost or no ghost, Sparky, we have a brand-new case!”

  “Goof! Goof!” he barked, bouncing home on his hind legs.

  Mom didn’t bounce so much when I told her. “You’re going where? To find what? When?”

  “A haunted house. A ghost. Tonight, on Halloween,” I said.